Yesterday I went for a 5 mile run on a good out and back in East Boulder.
Throughout this whole process of coming back from the stress fracture, I've actually felt a fair amount of...I guess you could call it anxiety or even pressure to get back to running, "just as I was before." I was pushing and pushing all my runs--even the run/walks. Imagine seeing someone running along at a good clip and then pace walking it out. I think I probably looked pretty awesome...not.
As I started dropping off the walking, I kept telling myself, "gotta be running 7:20-7:30's." I had this voice in my head--we'll just call it "self-talk," putting a lot on my shoulders. If I ran any slower, felt pretty disappointed for some reason..and beyond that I never was quite just "feeling" my runs, everything felt forced and a lot harder than it should! Talk about not having fun : /.
Not only that, I was obsessed with checking Dupree, every 1/4-1/2 mile I was checking pace, and if I wasn't "on" according my standards I felt pretty slow and frustrated.
I would tell myself, 'it's taking so long to get back,' 'why don't you feel good?' 'you're so much slower and it will never be the same!' A lot of worry, self-doubt and negative thoughts, all leading to more and more pressure on the runs, and honestly ending in runs that weren't that fun.
Finally, after a mini-breakdown right before the BB with my coach which ended in an easy 8 min mile run full of talking, and relaxing, I feel better.
I'm putting away Dupree for awhile, and focusing on "feeling," runs more. And that little voice inside my head? Well I'm working on her too...yesterday on the run She told me "You're going slow here! Push it harder or else!"
"Or else what?" I asked? "You'll recover from your race? You'll have energy to run hard tomorrow? One day easier won't kill you. Enjoy the moment, and this trail you love."
And I did. I saw two coyotes, a hawk, ducks and more bunnies than any person really should. Like I said, it is a great trail and it was a great run.
I somehow missed that you had a stress fx. WTF?
ReplyDeleteUh.
Glad you are back out running. I can't say I feel exactly that way bc I'm not recovering from a stress fx; but this stupid knee is really pissing me off and my runs have been less than mediocre because of it.
I would, like, kill to run anything under a freakin' 9:00 right now. I'm trying to remember that it's "summer" in Florida, and the heat probably is affecting my abilities (and if'ts not i'm going with that excuse anyways mmmkay). I don't know what the weather is like out there, but I won't tell anyone if you want to use it as an excuse too.
Thanks for the shout-out in your recent post!